SMRT reveals new ways to combat door-blockers

In a latest announcement, SMRT has decided to tackle the on-going problem of passengers blocking the doorway when other passengers are trying to alight. The situation has taken for the worst when passengers are spotted blocking the doorway completely especially during the peak period at the CBD area.

Passengers who have tried to alight at timeslots coinciding with the end of work timings should all be very familiar with the unable-to-get-out syndrome. This sickness or disease, is also named kiasuism and is a National disease of Singapore, and is more rampant than the dengue outbreak.

Thus, SMRT has revealed 3 new ways to deter people from blocking the doorway or rushing to board the mrt when the trains are about to close.

The first way deals with people who rush and squeeze into the mrt trains when it is obviously full, or run into the mrt when the door is 3/4 closed. For passengers personal safety, MRT staff have tried to encourage passengers not to dash into the mrt or squeeze into a packed mrt train, but to no avail. Thus SMRT has no choice but to present a whole new concept to the gates of the MRT. Every MRT door will now be changed into one with sharp edges. This is to ensure that passengers will not squeeze into the mrt or rush into the mrt as there is now a significant danger of getting pierced by multiple sharp edges as the door closes.

The second way deals with the door blockers. SMRT have tried to lessen the crowd by drawing out waiting areas in yellow and even putting arrows to show the path for the alighting passengers. Since this does not seem to work, SMRT is proud to say that they have the budget to install spear like objects below the surface where alighting passengers will walk on. Right before the door opens, the spears will piece the butts of those who wait in the alighting passengers walking area. This ensures that passengers who wish to alight will not be greeted by over zealous boarding passengers.

The third and final way to prevent door-blockers is to hire a tuberculosis patient at every doorway. These patients will cough each time the door is opened, thus any door-blocker who stands in front of him will have a significantly high chance of getting the tuberculosis infection.

SMRT hopes that such drastic measures can help reduce the problem of door-blocking completely and that there will be no Singaporean daring enough to block our doors or create sardines in our trains. If such measures cannot solve the problem completely, SMRT is in talks with weapons scientist to install GPMGs at the doors of our trains.

We hope that Singaporeans will help build a nicer place for all of us to live in.

Disclaimer: This entry is completely ficticious and SMRT has never mentioned anything that relates to this whole entry. This entry is written due to frustration with the door blocking problem. If you are a door blocker,please change your habit now. =)