Sometimes in life we don’t get what we want. Some things in life are just out of our control. Some events happen suddenly, without warning, and it changes a major component of your life. Most of the time when that happens, we get disappointed, because things go wrong. But I guess I learnt something from this lesson, that I should never ever rely on anyone for major plans, unless I have direct control or I can trust that person completely because he or she has proven himself or herself to be absolutely reliable.

Something just happened recently. But let me give a brief background. Last year whilst the university clique was having lunch in the NUS canteen, A mentioned that there’s a chance to get free tickets. A trip within Malaysia from West to East Malaysia would end up only costing me S$15 for the other misc charges, including airport tax. This is indeed a good deal and we all jumped at the opportunity. In fact, some of us were already intending to suggest a holiday trip to Malaysia and Indonesia since two of our friends are from there.

So with great enthusiasm we all discussed and happily booked the tickets. Some of us didn’t manage to book the tickets at the free ticket pricing since it was actually limited, so we paid a range of S$70 to S$200. For the same tickets. We booked four tickets to go to many destinations. When I queried about what are we going to do exactly there, I remember being told that it was still to early to plan, and there is plenty of time. In a way, that was something I couldn’t control. My whole trip lies on the planning of two individuals, A being responsible for the Malaysia leg, B being responsible for the Indonesia leg of the trip. This is actually dangerous planning because, on hindsight, they became key personnels who are indispensable. And indispensable people are dangerous because they have high potential to screw up plans.

So now A has a problem, and there is this chance (which I think is high chance) that she won’t be able to go to the trip after all. Being indispensable key personnel, this just means one thing, our Malaysia leg is totally screwed because our guide is now “missing”. Which causes plenty of problems actually. For one, the East Malaysia part of the trip would somehow be forfeited since there’s no guide and no one is familiar with East Malaysia. If we forfeit the East Malaysia part of the trip, we would have to forfeit two out of four of the tickets, and we still have to make our way from Singapore to KL so that we can make use of the last two tickets.

Since our original detail consists of 2 girls and 3 guys, the absence of A would mean that the only girl left would be GS. Which raises another problem. 1 girl and 3 guys going on a tour. There is a very high chance that the girl would not feel like going isn’t it? Not to mention that her parents would probably not approve.

Hence now there is this probability that we won’t be able to find a replacement for A, and as such, GS wouldn’t go, and we are 3 down to 3 man. Which makes is super sickening.

It doesn’t feel good not to be in control, to be subjected to the whims and fancy of people. But the problem is that A has a legitimate excuse, of which I do not want to discuss since there is this huge lack of sufficient information to properly analyse it. With the current information I have, that excuse won’t stand in my court. But nonetheless we have to move on, although we are disappointed. We have to plan adequately and try as much to go for the trip, even though it may end up to be only 3 man strong.

Although there is this minute chance that everything will end up well, that A would be able to go, I am not sure if that is the ideal situation already. Because A being able to go causes problems for her, and I guess as friends we would need to solve her problem for her.

Somehow I am at the stage where I just feel like going with the two other guys and backpack around. Perhaps the disappointment is too much. I hope I can still trust B though. For the indonesia leg of the trip, there better be no problems. Although the fun would have already been slashed since there’s only that few of us.

The “best hope” now, may be to find a replacement so 5 people can go. We may still have to end up forfeiting the East Malaysia trip too. But I guess this is a lesson learnt. Careful planning is vital, such that even if the key personnel has some problems cropping up, the rest of us can carry on the plan without much damage. In my case, we did not do careful planning, and now we are stuck in this stupid shit hole.

I am going to plan this and I am going to go for my holiday. I’m going to be 23 this year and I guess this is a perfect opportunity to demonstrate independence.

That’s the total defence day tagline for this year, and I think it’s a good question that we should all think about. If we seriously ponder, there are many things that each and every one will defend.

Just yesterday when I met up with Nelson’s other friends for badminton, I found out that they are also from Guards, except that they were from 3 Guards and I was from 1 Guards. Different batch too. One of them commented that Guards is sick. I said no.

Personally Guards is a tough unit, but all the more I’m proud to say I graduated from the conversion course, endured my whole NS journey with my fellow Guardsmen, and grew up together with them. It is this pride that keeps you going, that keeps me saying proudly, “Yes I am a Guardsmen”.

But back to the question. What will you defend?

I’ll defend Singapore because this is my home. I don’t care who is running this country, whether it is this government or any government, because to me, Singapore is this geographical entity bounded by the hearts of each and every single Singaporean. No matter which political party takes over, Singapore is still Singapore and this is still my country. So don’t comment and argue about how could I love a country that [insert your ideas here].

I’ll defend my family because that’s where my life is.

I’ll also defend my ideas on freedom and my rights.

There are so many things I will defend for. What’s yours?

I’ve bought a card recently from this blogshop. I really shouldn’t write this since the person receiving the card would now know where it came from. However I think it is important to give credit where credit is due. I think the designs of the cards in this blogshop is really different, and in my opinion, much superior than the normal looking cards you get outside. Plus it’s cheaper.

The cards are of a simple design, yet I find them refreshing and unique. Smells like a handmade card although I didn’t make it myself. Sincerity++? I don’t know.

The payment mode is via ATM Fund Transfer. After you transferred the money, you send them an email with all the details and your order. They’ll get back to you and send your card via post. So give them like 2-3 days for the card to arrive at your mailbox.

Caution though. The dimensions are clearly written on the site, so please check. I didn’t and I got a card smaller than I expected, but enough for me to write what I needed to write anyway.

They’re called PaperyCard. Do support them!

Back then it was called CDANS. Not sure what they call it now. Some Home Team NS thingie. Anyway it was raining in the afternoon and I made my way to Bukit Gombak to play badminton with my university friends, Nelson, Cheng Ying, Mei Hui, Sebas. Nelson had two friends playing too.

The good thing is that I didn’t feel any ache from the night cycling, so I could play to my hearts content. I think I played rather well today. Was in 1 v 2 most of the time since the other court is a 2v2. Played till I was really tired, till I couldn’t hit the shots properly when they come from a certain angle. And I had to use my right hand to play. Yes, I’m ambidextrous for badminton. Though my right hand is weaker in skill and power, I can at least catch and return enough shots for the game to continue.

I enjoyed myself a lot today. I can’t remember when was the last time we ever played badminton together. Was it last semester? We should really come together and play more often since we don’t get to see each other during normal days other than for lunch like once or twice a week. It’s good for exercise too.

From 3pm to 6pm we played and then we went to West Mall for dinner. I went to get Fried Prawn Mee because it looks so delicious when Nelson bought it the last time we were there. It’s like after sem 2. Like 1 year ago. But it turned out to be so-so only. I had better ones before. And the portions are too small for me. So I’m hungry now.

Lakeside has no nice supper areas. Can’t go anywhere for some nice supper.

I’m back from a whole night (ok actually not whole night) of night cycling at East Coast. We gathered at 8 in McDonalds and waited for those late comers. The night actually began disappointingly when we realize a few people could not come. One didn’t come because he had a valid reason, that he had a meeting the next day, hence he and his gf didn’t come. 2 people down.

One didn’t come because the other guy had a meeting and didn’t come. 3 people down.

The last one is the best. We called her at 9pm. She was still at home. Why the fuck did she not call and tell us or even give us an sms to say that she won’t be coming. Why say you’ll come the day before when we smsed everyone the meeting place and time. Why agree when you can’t be bothered to come in the first place? So 4 people down.

The night began with 4 people not coming and a strength of 7. Well at least it’s not a dismal attendance. At least we have 7.

The whole outing was still fun though. We cycled from ECP past NSRCC, to the whole stretch of road beside the runway and all the way up past the ferry terminal for Tekong and to Changi Village. We had nice Nasi Lemak there before we continued our journey.

Next we went down Loyang Avenue 7 and there’s this up hill part. I could have continued if I had been able to clear the obstacle. My right leg was too close hence I stopped and the moment I stopped I had cramps at both thighs. Everyone took some rest and continued up slope and then it was down slope all the way. Went past Expo, to the Tanah Merah Mrt line, to Bedok 85. I didn’t eat anything but the rest had some.

Then we continued back to the MRT line and went to Geylang, which is a very busy stretch of road. It was late, yet it’s still so active and busy. However the place we wanted to go to was closing for the night, hence we had to settle for prata. By this time our asses were all in pain and we’re all tired, hence we went back to East Coast via Ford Road. We actually cycled the whole stretch of ECP, come to think of it. Take the ending plus the starting. Haha.

Returned the bikes through they key drop and took the bus all the way to buona vista, then mrt back to Lakeside, bathe and sleep all the way till lunch. Woke up, eat, and sleep all the way to 6 when I had dinner. What a wonderful outing. But I won’t be doing it any time soon since it’s really tiring.

The cycling drained all my energy. Else we could have watched the sunrise. Aww.. Anyway I haven’t watched the sunset or sunrise in my life. Maybe next time somebody can watch it with me.

This is a very pleasant song from the JDrama called “Innocent Love” starring Maki. It’s sung by Utada Hikaru, who is quite a good singer because I remember that I listened to a few other songs and I thought they were very good too. But I guess I can appreciate Jap Songs better when they are tied in with the JDrama since they like to play it every episode. Haha.

Me no mae ni iru kimi ga sukoshi kagayaki
Mawari ga mienai
Watashitachi wa doko ni iru no
Zawameki hajimeta haikei no naka ni
Mada kienaide ne
Mou nan ni mo kikoenai
But I can feel you breathe
Odoroku hodo kimagure na tenkai ni sukoshi dake
Watashi rashikunai kitai wo oh oh shiteru
I wanna be here eternally
Kono mama mitsumeatte itai
I can feel you close to me
Itsumademo soba ni wa irarenai
Kono shunkan dake wa zutto eien ni
Tatakai ni dekakeru mae no hitoyasumi
Anata to sugoshitai
Yakusoku wa kondo aeta toki ni
Can you hear me breathe
Odoroku hodo dewa nai tenkai ni mo
Kandou shichau toki ga dare ni datte oh oh aru
I wanna be here eternally
Dare ni mo mitsukaranai tokoro ni
I can see you’re all I need
Ashita made tasuke wa iranai
Kono shunkan sae mo kitto just a fantasy
I can feel you close to me
Ano basho ni kaerenaku nattemo
Ima no kimochi dake wa zutto eien
I wanna be here eternally
Come on give it to me
I can see you are all I need
Kono shunkan dake wa eien ni

Translation: Found here

Just wanted to share this quote here which I thought is quite meaningful:

Men often become what they believe themselves to be.
If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it.
But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it,
even if I didn’t have it in the beginning.

Mahatma Gandhi

True, there are plenty of things that’s just plain mental. We go about in our daily lives lamenting how good other people are. We look at the rich man driving that cool car picking up the prettiest girls and we say “bastard” in our hearts. We go green with envy over other people’s achievements, and forget that if we truly wanted what we are going green for, we will do anything to get it.

I will never forget some of the lessons learnt in life. I am who I think of myself to be. I’m the only one who can live my life. And I should always remember that life is like a play, what matters is not how long the acting lasts, but how great it is.

So let’s all set some goals and achieve them. Remember, discipline and attitude are the foundations of success.

It’s the 6th week of school already and 2 days have past. The SS assignment that is due on Friday has already been submitted electronically to Turnitin.com. I’ve just got to print it and submit it to the relevant place on Friday. At least I got it done.

There’ll be two lab sessions this week. EE2006 on Thursday. I’m trying to complete it within an hour. Friday will be the 2nd EE2010 lab. I guess for that I have to prepare myself better.

There’s a lot to catch up. Thankfully there’s the recess week coming. I’ll at least have a week to catch up and do my own stuff.

Attended Adam Khoo’s talk today at Center for Excellence @ Great Eastern building. It’s part of my course requirements because there’s this voucher or subsidy that I have to hand over to Advisors Alliance as part of the internship “fees”. Adam Khoo’s speech is really predictable because it’s the same speech I heard the last time I was there last year. But as usual he made some sense.

Talked to the people in the industry again as well. It’s like renewing motivation to learn and do some stuffs. Over the course of time, I’ll definitely get demoralized occasionally, and the occasional talk with them helps to motivate me further. But what they say is right. It depends on what I really want for myself.

Touch your forehead now. Do you feel anything? There’s a price tag there on your head. What’s your price tag? Is your price tag determined by your boss, or is it determined by you? A long time ago, there’s an iron rice bowl. But now it doesn’t exist anymore. A job is not really risk free. Just look at DBS. You’ll get retrenched, and they retrench the senior executives who are too expensive to maintain. That is the sad sad life. We get conditioned by schools to study hard, do our best, come out work for a company. Product of Singapore.

But at least I have a choice now. At least I can experiment with some stuffs now and see how. At least I have a choice.

It’s already the 5th week of school in NUS, and it seems like yesterday when everyone came back to school for our first week. Time does indeed pass by very fast, and I guess it passes by faster since I’m more used to university life now. The timetable also makes it easy for time to pass, since by the afternoon I would normally be home.

This semester I am taking 5 modules, so it seems a little more slack than last semester. For one, I seem to be able to keep up with my work in school as compared to last semester. Last semester, I used the mid term break to catch up with my lectures. At least now I am still just slightly behind. Only slightly. I normally am able to catch up after Friday or the weekends.

There is an SS assignment due next week, and I’m trying to finish it by Friday so that I can submit to my tutor to get her comments before delivering the final draft. However I am wondering if I would be able to finish it by then, especially when I feel that I have not much points to write about, and the points doesn’t seem to be that good. But I guess for a module that I’ll S/U eventually, I do not need to put in so much effort.

This saturday will be valentines day. It is a refreshing break from past years, and I don’t have to worry about stuff like where to go, where to get the flowers, how much my budget will be burnt by. Not that I had that much trouble last time. I never did reserve places, and I never did go to any restaurants for Valentines. Personally, now I feel that Valentines is a business opportunity, not a day to celebrate love or anything. I would very much like to prefer enjoying a nice night out on other days, when it isn’t so crowded. Not to mention Valentines Day this year falls on a weekend. Imagine the crowd! Not to mention that the flowers are so expensive.

Maybe some people will say things like “oh you’re so unromantic”. But am I? Perhaps I am, but stop and think about it, is buying something that is more expensive than normal romantic? I am not sure about it. I think romantic would be enjoying a nice night out. Night walks by the beach. Watching the stars together, lying there, talking. I should compile a list of nonsense ideas to use. Or cooking a meal together. Or just giving a sudden call. Haha. Suddenly I don’t know what I want anymore.

There are many things I should probably do but I’m not doing. Sometimes I think about what I had wanted in life a few weeks ago, and then I feel demoralized. Will I have what I want? I don’t really know.

My japanese lessons ended last Sunday on the first of February. I had the oral test, listening test and writing test on that day and I am glad that I have passed. Yokatta! *Jumps for joy* I’m quite glad to have finished the 2nd component of the Elementary lessons and now I have more time to do my own things, especially when the semester in already in the fourth week.

There is many new and exciting things to do with my life. Whilst studying hard for my semester, I must not neglect to have a balanced life, and hence I am also going out with friends occasionally to enjoy life. However I haven’t been going for Mango dessert sessions for a week already, and this week I won’t be going too. I will instead be going for a performance at the University Cultural Centre this friday with a friend.

My journey towards improving my financial planning knowledge has also begun. Just yesterday I went to research on the Dependent Protection Scheme, and I will be starting a new blog on the knowledge I have acquired. It won’t be like a normal blog, but rather I’ll use wordpress as a content management system, and I will fill the whole site with different articles about the different aspects of financial planning that I have learnt. I am still thinking of a name for the site though, and I am still in the process of designing the site. I do hope to be able to finish it by the end of the month though and write my first article on the Dependent Protection Scheme.

Today I also started watching the new channel 8 show, called Wei Lai Bu Shi Meng, translated as the future is not a dream. I’m watching it because it is a show on engineers and the government is actually trying to encourage people to join the engineering field.

It is quite interesting, but I fail to see how a sudden poison gas leak will help encourage people. It seems dangerous to have a sudden gas leak like that. Haha. At Chartered Semiconductor some more. I *might* end up there!

But then again, the lifestyle of engineers seems quite hectic. Jessica Liu who works at Chartered has to be on call and go back at night if she is called back. Perhaps for the first few years of my career I wouldn’t mind giving it a shot, but it is definitely not for long term.

Ah well. Shall continue watching it. It seems like in episode 3 or 4 there is NUS featured in the drama. NUS Engin!