I realized I didn’t blog for the entire recess week! It has been a recess week that is very different from the usual recess week I have. Particularly there’s no mid term tests waiting for me in the week following the recess week. There’s only 2 modules with tests but they are on the next and next next week. So I have time to study. In the past I have to study for 4 or 5 modules in a week and catch up everything.

This time, the modules are more project based, so I end up having to complete assignments, send emails on presentations as well as do essays online, and going to school to do programming for a mini project. The focus is quite different obviously, since there’s more hands on work compared to pure studying, but there’s revision also. And catching up.

And so the semester started again today, and you feel the impact because you get confused again after another lecture, and there’s things to do at night to complete up the project and tutorials and presentations. It’s like a mad rush. And I haven’t had time to go and do my Visual Basic properly. How would I be able to build my GUI man?

I think I better get back to work. Kthxbye. Haha.

I haven’t been blogging about non-school related things, especially on my thoughts, for a very long time, due to the hectic pace of university engineering life. But I just felt like blogging and writing down my thoughts.

I think humans are very amazing. They get hurt, but they manage to move on and then they heal themselves. And then they attempt to do the same thing again and again even when they get hurt before. And I’m talking about the action of falling for somebody. Isn’t that true? We get together with someone, learning more about the person, finding that the person is really incompatible with you, breaking up, feeling super upset over it with both parties feeling hurt, and then you think, “I really don’t want to do this again”. But yet I did.

I think every relationship teaches you something about yourself. Every relationship gives you a lesson on life to prepare you for the next. Every failure shows you how inadequately prepared you are, and shows you your flaws so you can improve. Every relationship prepares you for the next person that comes into your life.

And it’s all part of growing up. To those parents that absolutely forbid your children to go into a relationship until they started to work, then I say that they are going to miss out on a whole spectrum of growing up experiences. The experiences that teaches you how to care, how to love someone, how to say the right things to sooth your partner’s upset moods. The sheer magnitude of things you can learn about yourself and the things you do or can do, cannot be expressed by a few words.

The last relationship taught me many things about myself. About the things I want in my life. And I was happily holding on to those dreams, in my own lala land, thinking that how nice it would be if the girl loves me as much as I do for her. How nice would it be if we gave each other space to grow and have our own lives outside of the one we share. How nice it would be if she understand my concerns and insecurities, and if she can always make me feel treasured. How nice it would be if she suddenly jumps behinds me and hug me. How nice it would be if she will do special things for me like I do for her. How nice it would be if everyday was like that for the rest of our lives together.

Until I realize that I haven’t been really reflecting on myself much. Whilst it is good to discover what I want more out of the next girl that comes along, I probably should also think about what the next girl will want from me.

I was on the phone with baby duck on Friday, when I was still on the MRT on the journey home. We were sharing our experiences and we talk about the nice things we did, and the nice things our previous partners did for us. I am quite ashamed to say that I kept plenty of the unhappy memories with me. I don’t know why. Or is it that there were more of those memories than those that truly surprised me and made my day? I could remember things like the day I asked her to be my girlfriend, the first date, the second. The day she bought me a blister spray. Or maybe celebrating my birthday in a simple but nice way. Or making me cards. But I can’t remember much. Perhaps my mind has subconsiously choose to lock up those memories, clearing them for space for someone else who’ll give me more better memories.

And when I hear about baby duck’s, I realize, I wasn’t really such a fantastic boyfriend too. Other than paying for dates and dinner, I haven’t done much. I wasn’t entirely sweet on most occasions, and I have never planned a valentine’s day that went well. I have never bought something nice on random. I only buy things during special occasions. Even so, some stuff that I buy showed a lack of sincerity. Or my lack of creativity. And the things I buy arn’t expensive. They are relatively cheap.

I never bothered to dress up too. I always dressed like a typical engineer. I never did send her home much to her door step. Even when I drive, I didn’t walk her up all the time. When I took the bus from Toa Payoh to her house, she alights at her house bus stop and I continue the journey home. Why was I like that? Why didn’t I be more gentlemen? Looking back, I realized I was really lousy.

Sometimes it leaves me wondering. What is money for? Whilst it is good to have savings, and it is good to plan for retirement, have financial planning and so on, we must learn to be willing to spend some small money. Things like getting out of the bus and sending her to her door step probably costs more time and money in terms of the journey home, but it is simple things that I can do, but I didn’t. Even in university, when I had concession, I sent her to the interchange and waited for her to take her bus home, and I took the mrt back to save money. I don’t know. Was I just being stupid?

I never swam with her in my condo pool, never took her on a picnic. Never made breakfast for her. I only started going to breakfast with her in the later years of the relationship. I was contented being in a shell. I didn’t look out to the world to see the numerous possibilities there are in this world. I choose to remain afraid, wondering if my parents will disapprove, without realizing the one simple fact that I am already an adult, and I should start making my own decisions. Whilst I have to do things that consider the feelings of my family, there are other things that I can do which they won’t disapprove. All it takes is proper management.

I have always thought, if the girl feels unhappy and needs someone to talk to, what would I do? I have always just spoken on the phone, comforting her and letting her speak. I have never realized that sometimes just making a trip down would give her some form of comfort. I always thought it was an inconvenience. But now I think differently. I think there are things I can do on the train or bus. If I needed to catch up on lecture notes, I can read them on the train. If I needed to do programming, I can think about how to do it on the train, so I waste less time on it when I get myself to a computer. If I needed to learn a new language, I can read books on the train. I can manage my time effectively, it’s only whether I want to. I can balance my studies and time for her.

So I suddenly found myself asking myself yesterday. If baby duck is upset, what is stopping me from being the nicest guy in the world? I realize that other than weekdays, I can easily just inform my parents that I will be eating out, and just go out and be there for her. I can do that, can’t I?

I can be much better than before. The previous relationship taught me that. I can put in more effort.

But of course, I need to remain on track. I have to remember that building a relationship takes plenty of effort. Plenty of trust. Plenty of planning for special days. And building that perfect relationship means making her my best friend. Sharing my life with her. Enjoying the company. It means understanding her inadequacies and reassuring her, and vice versa. It means growing up together. It means realigning my dreams, modifying them to accommodate her.

This is what it means to be together.

There is only one you, I agree completely. And there is only one me. And I want this to happen: I=ME

I’m guilty. I’m guilty of not doing the numerous things that I probably should do as the semester progresses on. I’m unable to do all those because I happen to have other pressing school work to do, and new priorities in life.

The recess week has descended upon us university undergraduates, and this just simply means that after this week, there’s only 7 more weeks to reading week, so its 8 more weeks to the exams! *Horrors* And so the aim of this week is to catch up on all the lectures and tutorials that have made me so confused.

This time, however, I am only needed to prepare for 2 mid term tests when I only took 6 modules. This sounds really slack and good, but this is going to be my busiest recess week ever. Why? Out of my 6 modules, 5 of them are project related, which means I should probably clear those assignments that I have to hand in, and prepare for the bigger projects to come.

For EE2001, the project has already started, and I find myself with 2 major tasks for this week. The first is to finish up the C coding for my portion of the project, which is to implement a plate delivery system which tells the waiter which plate is to be delivered to which table. This sounds really easy to do, until you realize that you have to link all the systems together in the end, and that you want to try to build extra features to make it more user friendly for the chef. The second is to learn Visual Basic from scratch, since I’m partly responsible for building the Graphical User Interface(s) for the project. I would have to go to school one day for the programming of the chip.

For EE2007, I have to catch up, and then I have to complete my mini project 2. I would also have to end up being in school to do the lab since I need 2 computers with RS232 connections to test and debug the program.

For EE3408, catch up on lectures (which is a major part) and complete the assignment that I have done halfway.

For ACC1002X, I have to revise for mid terms and start work on the project. The group members are like year 4s. And you think that a level 1000 module should be for freshies. Haha. I think I should do this fast and get it out of the way. I don’t want to spend too much time on this module.

Then for EG2401, my dear engineering professionalism, an interim report is due Tuesday. My group also has to do up the slides for discussion on Tutorial 3 by next Wednesday, so there’s a lot of work.

Thankfully for GEM2900, there’s nothing that needs my attention, so its still a 5 module recess week.

That’s all for my updates. Boring life but that’s what I have to do.

Today while I was going to school, an interesting but worrying thing happened. I received an sms from Duck saying that she fell, so I called her. The reception wasn’t that good, plus the background was noisy since she was in the train, so I thought it was a normal fall.

Until I met her at Jurong East, when she came and asked if she could sit down. And so we sat down, and she lifted her feet and there’s this wad of tissue below her toe. And the tissue is soaked with blood. Maybe not soaked but there’s a lot of blood. And I was flustered. I kept thinking about the nearest pharmacy or 7-11. I couldn’t think of one at Clementi. Super fail. Then she just said, take my concession and go out and buy. I was thinking if there was any pharmacy / 7-11 at Jurong East, and I’m not sure. But luckily there’s a Guardian right beside Popular, which is just below the station.

I went to find the required stuff, and I found the antiseptic creams first. I found one that was small so I can keep it in my bag for future uses, and then I went to search for plasters. I found one that says assorted, and I bought it because I didn’t know which ones were big enough. The person at Guardian was still trying to promote the Eclipse sweets to me. What usual price 3 plus now 2 plus. I nearly got impatient. I wanted to say “Excuse me, my [insert word here] is up there bleeding and I have no mood for sweets”. But I didn’t. Am a nice guy.

Then I ran up to the platform and there’s a concerned ah ma talking to her. Asking her what happened and asking her to see a doctor. I took tissue to clean her wound, then applied antiseptic on the plaster and applied it on her toe. A pity that there wasn’t more resources, else perhaps I could have washed it with some sterile solution. Anyway MRT doesn’t like spilling. Imagine getting fined $500 for doing first aid.

Then the train came and I wanted to take her backpack for her but she refused. She just walked with the pain in her leg all the way to school.

I think it has been a long time since I was so worried, and also since I ever needed to apply first aid for so much blood. I hope her wound heals soon. There’s one at the shin, one at the big toe and one at the 2nd toe.

Escalators are dangerous and care must be taken when running up an escalator.

He art.

Haven’t been actively posting during the entire semester. I’ve been busy with school work and settling of many other stuff.

EE2001 has gone to “full swing”. The project has been decided upon, and the jobs handed out. I’ll have to learn Visual Basic to program the GUI for the 3 laptops systems. Effectively the GUI systems is the bulk of the entire project and has to be done swee swee. Else we’ll have a hard time.

EE2007..there’s a mini project 2 to be done asap. And a major project coming up after the mid term break. But first the mini project 2 has to be done properly.

EE3408.. design lab to do..then the real design (30%) lab will come out and there’ll be much things to do.

EG2401.. Tutorial 3 has to be done since my group’s in charge. Then interim report due in the recess week and then the whole paper in the 2nd part of the semester.

ACC1002X has a project but nobody started on the grouping..quite slack and hopefully it doesn’t take up a lot of time.

GEM2900.. my best mod. Don’t take up time other than 4 hr lecture per week. Great mod. Can’t really be bothered with it since most of the stuff was taught before.

Yay. A simple post about my life.

And she’s just making me smile everyday.

It is the 2nd time that I’ve been to a club. The first was last year’s ENGIN bash where it was held at the Gotham Penthouse at Clark Quey. This year, the venue is a little bigger in my opinion, and it’s held at St James Power Station, where EE students can do their fyp! I didn’t say that, my senior did when he found his way after being lost. -_-”

This time the feeling for bash is really different. Even though bash is always a little boring when the crowd isn’t wild, and that the events are usually just the pageant which isn’t really interesting, this year’s bash is special because of the company I have.

Duck wore the nice blue dress that she bought in my presence at Vivocity the other day. With nice makeup and perfume. Looking really good and she didn’t wear heels because she would then be taller than me.

I just drank Coke and she drank a glass of Vodka Cranberry. I didn’t drink any alcoholic drink because I had to drive her home after the bash and I want to be very focused and safe. I don’t want to combat fatigue and alcohol.

After the pageant, the year 3s celebrated Michelle’s birthday with a cake inside the club. It was just a simple song with 1 line missing, as well as a cake. That’s all. After that we all went to Harbour Front’s Mc Donald’s for a little supper and then I left at mid night. The carpark was only $3 in the end. I went to top up $20 just in case for nothing!

The journey to her house and back to my home was smooth. Green light most of the time with clear traffic conditions, allowing for optimum top speed and less dangerous motorists to care about. On the lift up she just told me to drive safely when I go back home. It’s just two words but it’s like a subtle touch that means the whole world.

I like it when you care the way you do, even though you didn’t have to directly say it.