A few days ago, I wrote about “dreams for the future“. Today, my friend and I talked about this Japanese actress which we both thought was pretty. It reminded me of my dreams because she once acted in a drama about JAL (Japanese Airline) about this girl who wanted to be an air stewardess and she eventually manage to become one.

It reminded me of travelling to many different places, looking at the different scenery. Enjoying the nice food there. Looking at their pretty girls (opps). Just enjoying myself.

I didn’t go for SEP, didn’t go for NOC, because the costs were too high. Because I had no idea of what I wanted to do. I had no idea how I would survive there for so long. I wondered what would I have missed out in Singapore if I had gone. I was worried about how my modules would be slightly messed up due to the need to map modules over there. By thinking about this and that, I had decided not to go, and I would never know what lies in store for me had I gone. But I guess I would have had a different experience in my life had I went. The feeling of just living in another country for an extended period of time is perhaps a wonderful experience.

So, why should I wonder so much? If I am meant to set up my own business, I can always do so after the bond. I can do my own things after the bond. I am not tied forever. But if I lose this chance, I won’t get it forever. Working in another country may be great, but I can choose it if I am rejected. So I should just try my luck and go for it. After all, it is not really about a scholarship but about a job. It’s the job rotation every 2 years that scholars will get that feel so attractive. The chance to take part in many different departments, possibly even finance or marketing that thrills me. It will hone my non-engineering skills. It’s an opportunity and it is waiting for me to pursue it.

The benefits are good too. Flying to any destination that SIA flies to annually. That’s great. I can go to different places and enjoy myself. I can see the world. What’s bad about it. Not everyone has this chance. And this is my last year that I can apply already. After this, there’s no more chance.

So why should I hesitate? Why should I be worried about all those factors that can be solved easily? I should run my life now and follow my soul.

I should not fear being alone

A friend of mine developed university blues in her first year of study. I don’t really know how to help. Whenever you know your friend is upset with school work, there are only two options you probably can do. One is that you just console and say things that you know will not have much effect. The second is to say things that hurt a lot, but is the best advice.

Which one would you choose to do? Before you choose, you would also have to see the person too. Some people just like you to console and not do anything useful. Some people don’t mind you saying all the hurtful things, because they know its true. After saying the things, it hurts, but you will still be good friends. Motivation, is something that is perhapes something I struggle to do. How to balance it such that it sounds good and yet delivers the most effective message?

I still believe that the most effective medicine would be the most bitter. And the most effective help would be the most hurtful, to cause the person to think and ponder and grow as a thinker and as a person.

So I’m going to write how I feel, and it might hurt so if anyone doesn’t like to read such things, you can just skip this entire post. But things must be said, and I will say it in a better way than how I would have said if I were younger, for I have mellowed much in the past years.

Basically, my friend feels that her module is tough. I can understand because the course she is in is an extremely competitive one. And to survive in such a course and do well, perhaps one has to be extremely confident and motivated. Someone of the elite breed. Else, you could just be contented with what you have and still do average. It’s not a bad thing.

But in university, the number one lesson is independence. We change from the JC system to the University system, and we must adapt to survive. I do not know how the girls will feel, suddenly thrust into such a system, whereas the guys had 2 years of regimentation and training in the army, which could or could not have helped in university.

The university is a sad place. You have to learn certain strategies in order to survive. I didn’t have any seniors that I spoke to to teach me anything, but I survived well. I came out with my own strategies of university.

The first thing I created was a clique. Someone to spend time with you in or outside of classes. They form your support bridge, giving you strength to continue your classes even when you feel drained out. You can plan classes together, and you can study together. You put in effort into building this thing, and in the future it will reward you.

The second thing to learn was to bid smart. Although you still can’t eliminate cores, but you could put easier electives in and not focus so much on them.

The third thing is our own responsibility in whatever we do. We are ultimately responsible for our own degree. Our lecturers and tutors are not. Their primary job is a researcher. Lecturing and tutoring is only a secondary job. What we can hope for is guidance, but we have to ask for it ourselves. Granted, some lecturers are too lazy to help, but even if that is the case, we are still responsible for ourselves. We can blame the lecturer and the tutors, but then, what real use is there? Can we do more to save ourselves?

Can we ask friends? Can we find seniors? Can we change tutorial slots? Can we self study? Are we willing to invest in a textbook and read? Are we willing to go home and revise and watch an hour less of TV? Are we willing to find out what it is that we do not know?

There’s always a path we can take. But we just don’t like to take it. We don’t see it because we don’t open our eyes. We love to walk the path we always walked. It’s smooth, nice and relaxing. We may be unhappy, but we never walk the rough path. We never try, and we’ll never know.

I hope my friend would be happy. I hope she’ll grow up to be a wonderful person, confident of her abilities and knowing what she wants. I hope she’ll not let herself fall into despair and disappear.

Prove that you are worthy.

This morning at about 6am Singapore time, my blog got hacked by a bunch of people claiming to be some indonesian hacking group. In the message that was posted, it (I doubt humans have so much time to do this kind of things) claims to hate Malaysians and Singaporeans. Anyway my other blog got hacked too. It was probably a security flaw in the wordpress version. I should probably update more frequently.

It wasted plenty of my time because I had no experience in doing this. Thankfully it was a minor hacking. They did not delete my databases and files, so the damage was minimal. However I still needed time to find the modified files and delete them. Then, I realized I needed to replace them. There were some files that I didn’t keep, so I had to remake them or find an alternative source. It was time consuming and I was really irritated.

I do not understand why anyone would be this childish. There is no need to waste time in defacing people’s blogs. This is online vandalism, and it is irritating the people who are innocent. Whoever you hate, you do things to them, not to innocent people just having their own personal space on the internet.

Thankfully I’m not some extremist, and hopefully they did not deface the site of any extremists, else soon we’ll hear of bombings in the embassy. Like how people in the North are bombing other people’s religious places because of a small issue.

At least all’s well. At least I hope it is. I hope there’s not some file I haven’t deleted. It is very irritating. Get a life man and stop doing childish things.

My family celebrated my mum’s birthday today in advance. It’s supposed to be on the 27th, a Wednesday, but we went out to eat at Jack’s Place. The last time I went on my birthday is to Jack’s Place at Safra and it disappointed me due to the lousy service and the lousy food.

But this time was a pleasant surprise. But it is not the Safra one though. It is the Jack’s Place at West Coast. The previous time I was there, there were many people and the staff was slower due to shortage of manpower. This time there isn’t that much people, and the staff are, in my opinion, more well trained.

The waiter was very polite and answered our questions nicely and took our orders properly. We ordered 3 warm water although we had 4 people, and the waitress brought 3 warm water and 1 cold water. Upon knowing that we don’t really want the cold water, she offered to change it to a warm water for us even when we don’t really need it. But we still took the cold water anyway. That was nice of her.

Then the steak came. It was soft and delicious. The “blood” (it isn’t really blood but some compound I think) tastes nice. Still reddish as I ordered medium. It was the best steak I ate in Jack’s Place (can’t say my life because I suddenly remember about Kobe Beef). In the middle of the dinner, the waiter came and asked “how’s everything so far”. It was really nice of him even though in Singapore we don’t really get this. It left a wonderful impression in my mind.

So I filled out the feedback form with everything ticked under excellent. I think it is good to give them compliments when they deserve it, just like we would be angry and complain about them when their service sucks. We need to encourage the wait staff when they did well.

The feedback form asked what they can do to serve us better, so we wrote that the water can come more often. Hopefully the manager sees the excellent and not the water, because although throughout the steak part of the dinner the water was only refilled once, after dinner it was refilled quite frequently. It was a great meal and an enjoyable time. All service staff should aim to have this kind of attitude!

Yap Heng is finally back from his exchange program to Canada. Ok, he was back like a week ago, but today is the first time I got to see him. We met because we wanted to celebrate Mazin’s birthday with her. They chose MOF because Shu Min has the MOF membership card with 10% off. Coupled with the UOB card (10% off originally), you get 15% off for combining the two promotions. Effectively negating the service charge and GST by quite a bit.

Though MOF wouldn’t be my first choice because I don’t think it is that fantastic. And the dinner did disappoint. I ordered the Nabeyaki Udon. The Udon in the Nabe style pot with a naruto (the fishcake thingie) and some “crab meat” (the stick one), with some seaweed. Oh and egg too. The dish comes with two ebi tempura too, but it did not come with the tempura sauce (groans. disappointment. You call yourself a MINISTRY?). Unless they trying to say a ministry isn’t efficient, else I don’t know why this happens.

And it costs $15.50. The ebi tempura was nice initially but it grew cold fast and I got sick of eating it. It became boring. The udon was a little harder than I would have expect. The crab meat came and it’s like soggy. Crab sticks are supposed to be together if it’s fresh. They only split into smaller threads when it is not very fresh. Am I right? Not sure. All in all it was just an alright meal. Not that filling either.

We proceeded to Benten Cafe at Iluma. They had the “big” tub (ok not the biggest but then..) of ice cream. I refrained from sharing because I didn’t feel well. Drank too much coffee I guess. 2 cups in a day at 2 different seatings. Plus I had no more cash to spend. It’s a birthday ya, so other than my own food there’s some misc expenses to be expected. And I kind of want to save for my graduation trip. Plus I don’t like fruits. The list goes on. But it was a fun time to be there. Rina, Shu Min, Yap Heng, Mazin and I.

It was great having Yap Heng back again. Becoming an entertainer, talking a lot of nonsense trying to make the mood lighter and getting people to laugh. It was a refreshing change from other outings. The other side of me I haven’t seen in a long long time. Yap Heng got me this “dirty” book with different sexual positions for different days. But it’s actually just a joke book I would say. It is quite interesting as a present. The positions inside look quite sick sometimes, like “can they really do this?” Haha.

Anyway at the end we presented the present that we bought for Mazin. There’s a hairband, necklaces, earings and bracelet. Which I joked as the si dian jin. So Mazin can be married off already. And she went to wear a ring on her right hand’s fourth finger, which is supposed to signify an engagement? So we had a fun time laughing and catching up. Talking about their SEP trips (Rina went France!), and about possible graduation trips and stuff. So happy they are back.

It’s my first time actually talking to Shu Min, and she is taking ACC1002X this semester. Gave her some advice when waiting for our trains to come, but we are going in totally different directions. And Yap Heng and her is taking Real Estate Finance as a gem. Yap Heng and Mazin is taking MNO. I can kope notes from them to learn more without needing to care about examinations. Business stuff are so interesting.

Well it’s late and in another few hours I have to wake up and go to school to meet the professor for my project. So its time to go off. I had fun.

Rina came to question me on my relationships and I told her that it was over. She kept asking questions though. I try to answer as accurately as possible whilst keeping some things secret because they are not meant to be shared. But it’s nice to have friends that care. Today at work I also chatted with Cheng Ying on msn and I also talked about this topic. She kind of sensed something was wrong last month. Haha. I guess, I am coming to terms with it.

Ja.

Today I didn’t exactly accomplish much in my attachment. I spend some time talking with my other intern and finding out that he is interested in applying for the DSTA scholarship, but there is only 1 year left to his studies and he was wondering how the bond would be like. There is this minimum cap of 4.2 for people to apply the exchange scholarship allowing you to study overseas for a year, and he didn’t meet it.

So he was asking me about it and he found out that I had more than 4.2. Cause he asked. Then he asked if I’m in first class. And I said yes. Then he asked for my cap. I said 4.6. He said “NUS got so easy to score meh”. Haha. It’s a little funny, slightly insulting cause what is easy to score. Like I’m not really that clever and I cannot be a first class student. Haha. But I didn’t take it to heart.

But the thing is, he triggered my feelings once again. What should I do? The dreams of the future, are they the path I want to take? Am I really sure? I wouldn’t know would I? I’m still learning more about myself every single day. Whether I should be bonded. Whether I should leave myself a free path.

Should I be bonded. Will the utility I get from having a scholarship in my last year of study exceed the cost I have to pay for being bonded? If it exceeds, by all means I should attempt. What if it doesn’t? Where is the balance of all these?

Having a scholarship does expose you lots of opportunities when you start work. More than the non-scholars. And it is probably good for building your character isn’t it? At this moment in time, it is not about the money anymore, but the experience. The intangible things you get. Is it worth it? Or is it more worth to be a free man and live my life? Shape it the way I want? Am I responsible enough to shape it? Determined enough? Hungry for success?

Am I? Or what should I do? Sooner or later I will have to make my decision, for I am the CEO of my own life.

This is the 4th Steve Berry’s novel that I have read, the first being “The Third Secret”, the second being “The Templar Legacy” and “The Venetian Betrayal”.

As usual, Steve Berry’s novels have some bit of a history tale behind, and this time it has something to do with olden Russia. In the period during 1918-1919 the royal family of Russia, headed by Tsar Nicholas II, was massacred during the Communists revolution. Basically the actual mystery of the story is that they have never found two of the bones of the royal family, leading to theories that they may have been alive, and this forms the basis for the plot.

Basically the story is about Russia after communism and how they had elected to get the Tsar back. This is not factual in reality. The story is about how a black lawyer got hired to find any discriminatory evidence about a particular candidate’s right to become Tsar. The thing is that this candidate is the closest to the Romanov family, and is the closest to become the Tsar, if and only if the descendents of Nicholas II have all died.

The lawyer founds some disturbing messages left by Lenin and wonders if the actual imperial family have not been wiped out. Those in favor of the candidate decided to kill the lawyer, because they wanted the candidate elected as he is a perfect puppet for them to manipulate.

Through his journey he discovers how the person in charge of the execution supposedly felt guilty and how he arranged for the two children to be saved and sent to different places, eventually settling in the United States. The lawyer, along with a circus performer friend he met, went through the journey finding clues and people who have been waiting for them to come.

Soon they found the descendents of Nicholas II and a small fight ensued with the killers come into the picture. Eventually the rightful Tsar took his place.

The most interesting part is its mysteries and how they pieced together pieces of the mystery, as well as how Rasputin’s supposed prophecy came true. I don’t know how true it is, but Rasputin is quite a “powerful” character in history, even though he is a normal person from Siberia. The Tsar and the Tsarina treats him well and even in history books it seemed that he didn’t die easily. If I remember my secondary school works, Rasputin didn’t die when fed poisoned wine and food, and eventually ran off and got shot and dumped in a river. But nobody did ever confirm his death. Quite mystical I would say.

Overall it’s a pretty interesting book but it got a little boring at the start. The history is always interesting.

P.S. @ 19th Jan 2010..I wrote this on 25th July 2008!

Tomorrow is the beginning of the second week of my attachment. Frankly, I do not know why it feels a little sian to return to work. It feels a little like during National Service when you just didn’t wish to go back to camp, and you prefer to stay at home. I guess home is still the best place to be.

I hope there’ll be exciting things to work on, or at least something to do. Something that really allows me to learn more and attract me to the place. Something that allows me to decide whether “Yes this is what I want to do when I graduate”, or “No this is not the thing I want to be doing after graduation”. At the moment, I can’t really decide because I’m not exactly doing anything. I don’t even actually know what I can write for the report that is due after week 6.

I hope the laptop comes tomorrow, at least I can go online and do research on the latest goings on in the defence industry, and find the information that my mentor wants me to find. If not, I’ll just be reading the old files and shredding them after they are done. It is a really boring job.

Tomorrow would also be the start of my HR2002 module. I would have to reach school by 6pm as the lesson is from 6pm – 9pm. Hopefully I won’t be late for the lesson.

This semester should be a tiring one with a project and a HR module on top of industrial attachment. I am looking forward to the day everything becomes fun, then it would be an enjoyable process. Till then, I guess I have to sms my friends to kill time.

I just happen to realize studying is so much fun. You get to do the things you want to do because you have so much time for yourself. Whereas people who work really have no time for themselves. Life i just about working and working.

Don’t believe?

You wake up early in the morning to prepare to go to work.

At 8.30am you start work in your office and wait for lunch. After lunch you work and wait for the end of the workday.

At 6pm you finish work and begin your journey home. At 7pm you’re home and you have dinner and then you bathe and it’s 8pm already.

And then you sleep at 10.45pm because you need to wake up at 6.45am tomorrow.

You only have 8pm-10.45pm to do the things you want to do!

So this is the sad working life. I only start to realize it only now. It is even worse if you don’t like your job. So I think, one must find a job that he loves so he will enjoy doing it and it will cease being work. Then one can be truly happy about his life.

Food for thought huh. So enjoy school while we can!

Today is the first day of the Industrial Attachment. Nothing much was done and I got home at around 4pm. Today is probably the only time that I would be allowed to go home earlier. The usual working hours at 8.30am – 6pm for Monday – Thursday and 8.30am – 5.30pm for Friday.

It’s going to be a long period of time, from 11th January to 25th June. Hopefully the things I learn would be interesting and then time will pass much faster.

Good luck to everyone who has started on their school also today @ NUS.